The Truth about Relationships

We all want a Rahul to our Anjali, an Allison to our Noah. In a world full of Julliets, Daltons and Prems we become hopelessly lost.


The portrayal gets to the most cynical of beings and we forget to ask...Is love enough?

If you love somebody, there will be an undeniable chemistry, there will be violins playing in the background, we will feel butterflies in our stomach, and everyday will be an adventure.

When we realise that relationships are not just all this, there is trouble in paradise.


We are conditioned to believe in a ‘happily ever after’, where our partner knows what we love to eat, what gift we expect and all little details about us. These expectations are unfair. In any relationship, communication is key, understanding what we expect of a partner, discussing your bottom lines and giving space to your partner to share the same helps make an informed decision for the future.


“My partner just completes me… only they make me happy and they are my everything” We’ve heard this so many times. On the face of it, it sounds so romantic, but at the same time, this adds on additional roles and pressure on our partner. When they are your only source of happiness there is no space left for any error, they need to be perfect.


If we are in love, there cannot be any fights. This is not true. You and your partner(s) are different humans, with different upbringings, different situations, different needs and desires, and just like any relationship, there are bound to be issues and fights. How we handle the conflict and what the conflict is about is of importance. Having conflicting opinions and arguments is normal and it is okay to feel overwhelmed. Here are some things you can do to handle conflicts with your partner better… Trying to respond, not react. Responding is an act where one listens to what has been said, pauses, reflects and gives a reply.


Be realistic and communicate your expectations. What do you expect out of your partner? Where do you see this relationship? Ask questions and have an open discussion about what you think.

Discuss your bottom line. A bottom line is a non-negotiable part of your boundary. It could be financial stability, caregiving, infidelity etc.


According to Dr. Nicole LePera, there are ways one can view a relationship setting. Think of the partners being in the same team, example: 1. Teammates: Rooting for each other, working towards something common like values and beliefs.


2. Supporting each other’s healing: Learning about each other’s past experiences, attachment styles, trauma. Healing together and trusting and loving one self and each other.


3. Equal Wholes: Two Whole Humans, ie those who complement each other and also live separate journeys of discovery.


4. Life Partners: Consciously choosing to be with one another and support each other in a life long setting, learning and growing together.


Our partners cannot be our whole world, but they are definitely a crucial part of it. Holding on and being in a romantic relationship takes work. There is love, but with love, there are shared values, compatibility, intimacy, trust. We don’t get a ‘happily ever after’ served to us, we create it for ourselves.



 

Devyani Singh


Devyani Singh is a certified Art Therapy Practitioner and has been working in the field of mental health with an intersectional approach.

Currently pursuing a Masters in Counseling Psychology, she aims to work with children and adolescents as she believes that emotionally healthy children make well rounded adults.

Devyani has been actively creating both long form and short form content around emotional wellbeing and has worked in various NGO settings for the upliftment of children and the marginalised communities.


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